


The Taming of the Shrew (but Every Line Comes From a Disney Song)

by NorInEnglish (Nuts)



Category: Taming of the Shrew - Shakespeare
Genre: Disney References, F/M, Rewrite, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-22 12:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22416307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuts/pseuds/NorInEnglish
Summary: Would Shakespear be rolling in his grave if he saw this?
Relationships: Bianca/Lucentio (Taming of the Shrew), Katherine/Petruchio (Taming of the Shrew)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Act I

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I had to do a rewrite of the play for English class and I did this. Enjoy.

**LUCENTIO** _ to TRANIO _

I have often dreamed of a far off place

Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me

Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face

And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance

I will find my way if I can be strong

I know every mile would be worth my while

When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

_ Enter BIANCA, HORTENSIO & KATE  _

**BIANCA**

And so I'll read a book

Or maybe two or three

I'll add a few new paintings to my gallery

I'll play guitar and knit

And cook and basically

Just wonder when will my life begin?

And then I'll brush and brush

And brush and brush my hair

Stuck in the same place I've always been

And I'll keep wanderin' and wanderin'

And wanderin' and wonderin'

When will my life begin

**LUCENTIO**

So this is love.

**TRANIO**

So this is what makes life divine.

**HORTENSIO**

I'm all aglow,

And now I know…

**THE THREE**

The key to all heaven is mine.

**TRANIO**

My heart has wings,

And I can fly.

**HORTENSIO**

I'll touch every star in the sky.

**LUCENTIO**

So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of.

So this is love…

**KATE** _laughing_

The sweet caress of twilight

There's magic everywhere

And with all this romantic atmosphere

Disaster's in the air

_ LUCENTIO, TRANIO & HORTENSIO leave _

_ BAPTISTA enters _

**BAPTISTA** _to BIANCA_

Look at you, as fragile as a flower

Still a little sapling, just a sprout

You know why we stay up in this tower

**BIANCA**

I know but

**BAPTISTA**

That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear

Guess I always knew this day was coming

Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest

Soon, but not yet

**BIANCA**

But

**BAPTISTA**

Shh, trust me, pet

Father knows best

Father's right here

Father will protect you

Darling, here's what I suggest

_ to KATE _

Father knows best

Take it from your Daddy

On your own, you won't survive

Sloppy, under-dressed

Immature, clumsy

Please, they'll eat you up alive

Father understands

Father's here to help you

All I have is one request

Don't forget it

You'll regret it

Father knows best

_ ALL leave _

_ HORTENSIO, LUCENTIO & TRANIO enter _

**HORTENSIO**

Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil

If she doesn't scare you

No evil thing will

To see her is to take a sudden chill

**LUCENTIO**

Cruella, Cruella De Vil

The curl of her lips

The ice in her stare

All innocent children had better beware

**HORTENSIO**

She's like a spider waiting for the kill

Look out for Cruella De Vil...

At first you think

Cruella is the devil

**TRANIO**

This vampire bat

This inhuman beast

She ought to be locked up

And never released

The world was such

a happy place until

Cruella, Cruella De Vil

_ Enter PETRUCHIO _

**PETRUCHIO**

Well, Ali Baba had them forty thieves

Sheherezade had a thousand tales

But, masters, you in luck 'cause up your sleeves

You got a brand of magic never fails

You ain't never had a friend like me

C'mon whisper what it is you want

You ain't never had a friend like me

I'm in the mood to help you though

You ain't never had a friend like me

**HORTENSIO**

She's like a spider waiting for the kill

Look out for Cruella De Vil…

**PETRUCHIO**

I have dreams like you, no really

Just much less touchy-feely

They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny

On an island that I own

Tan and rested and alone

Surrounded by enormous piles of money

You ain't never had a friend like me


	2. Act II

_ BIANCA & KATE enter _

**BIANCA**

TRAPPED! OH TRAPPED!

I would love this world without you in it!

If I didn't have you!

**KATE**

If you didn't have me?

**BIANCA**

If I didn't have you!

**KATE**

Or how about if I didn't have you, huh?

**BOTH**

Oh what I could be if there was only me,

Oh what I'd do if i didn't have you !

**BIANCA**

I should be so lucky!

If i didn't have you!

**KATE**

Oh wait, you'd be dead!

**BIANCA**

Now listen here sis, I didn't come here to be insulted

**KATE**

Oh? where do you usually go?

**BIANCA**

I'm so tired of you nagging

**KATE**

I'm so tired of your bragging

**BOTH**

If I didn't have you!

Oh what i'd do if I didn't have you!

_ KATE slaps BIANCA, they leave _

_ Enter PETRUCHIO & BAPTISTA _

**PETRUCHIO**

I'm making plans to woo and marry Kate

**BAPTISTA**

Cruella De Vil...

The curl of her lips

The ice in her stare

All innocent children had better beware

**PETRUCHIO**

Just watch, I'm going to make Kate my wife!

**BAPTISTA**

If she doesn't scare you, 

No evil thing will

_ BAPTISTA leaves _

_ KATE enters _

**KATE**

You're jokin', you're jokin'

I can't believe my eyes

You're jokin' me, you gotta be

This can't be the right guy

He's ancient, he's ugly

I don't know which is worse

I might just split a seam now

If I don't die laughing first

**PETRUCHIO**

You're jokin', you're jokin'

I can't believe my ears

Would someone shut this fella

I'm drownin' in my tears

It's funny, I'm laughing

You really are too much

And now, with your permission

I'm going to do my stuff

**KATE**

What are you going to do?

**PETRUCHIO**

I'm gonna do the best I can

Oh, the sound of rollin' dice

To me is music in the air

'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man

Although I don't play fair

**KATE**

Release me fast or you will have to

Answer for this heinous act

**PETRUCHIO**

Oh, brother, you're something

You put me in a spin

You aren't comprehending

The position that you're in

It's hopeless, you're finished

You haven't got a prayer

'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie

And you ain't going nowhere

Ma’am, I’ll make a woman out of you

_ PETRUCHIO leaves _

_ Enters BAPTISTA _

**KATE**

Can you imagine? Me, the wife of that boorish, brainless…

No, sir! Not me!

I guarantee it

I want much more than this provincial life!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere

I want it more than I can tell

And for once it might be grand

To have someone understand

I want so much more than they've got planned...

**BAPTISTA**

A girl can bring her family

Great honor in one way

By striking a good match

And this could be the day

Please bring honor to us all

_ KATE leaves, BAPTISTA follows _

_ Enter BIANCA, HORTENSIO & LUCENTIO _

**LUCENTIO**

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did

You last let your heart decide?

**HORTENSIO**

Do mi do mi do sol mi do

Every truly cultured music student knows

You must learn your scales and your arpeggios

**LUCENTIO**

I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over sideways and under

On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world

A new fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

**BIANCA**

A whole new world

A dazzling place I never knew

But when I'm way up here

It's crystal clear

That now I'm in a whole new world with you

**HORTENSIO**

Bring the music ringing from your chest

And not your nose

While you sing your scales and your arpeggios

**BIANCA**

A whole new world 

With new horizons to pursue 

I'll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

**HORTENSIO**

If your faithful to your daily practicing

You will find you progress is encouraging

Do mi sol mi do me so mi fa la so it goes

When you do your scales and your arpeggios

Do mi sol do…

**LUCENTIO**

Can I say something crazy?

Will you marry me?

**BIANCA**

Can I say something even crazier? Yes!

_ ALL leave _


	3. Act III/Act IV

  
_   
_

_ Enter PETRUCHIO & KATE _

**PETRUCHIO**

Trust in me, just in me

Shut your eyes and trust in me

You can sleep safe and sound

Knowing I am around

Slip into silent slumber

Sailing on a silver mist

Slowly and surely your senses

Will cease to resist

Trust in me, just in me

Shut your eyes and trust in me

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

I who keep you, teach you, feed you, dress you

I who look upon you without fear

How can I protect you, girl, unless you

Always stay in here

Away in here

You are ugly

**KATE**

I am ugly

**PETRUCHIO**

You do not comprehend

**KATE**

You are my one defender

**PETRUCHIO**

Stay in here

Be faithful to me

**KATE**

I'm faithful

**PETRUCHIO**

Grateful to me

**KATE**

I'm grateful

**PETRUCHIO**

Do as I say

Obey

_ They leave _


	4. Act V

_ LUCENTIO, BIANCA, BAPTISTA, PETRUCHIO & KATE enter _

**KATE**

All those days watching from the windows

All those years outside looking in

All that time never even knowing

Just how blind I've been

Now I'm here blinking in the starlight

Now I'm here suddenly I see

Standing here it's all so clear

I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you

**PETRUCHIO**

So what can I say except ‘you're welcome’

There's no need to pray, it's okay

You're welcome!

**KATE** _ to PETRUCHIO _ _  
_ Trust in me, just in me

Shut your eyes and trust in me

Slowly and surely your senses

Will cease to resist

Trust in me, just in me

Shut your eyes and trust in me

**Author's Note:**

> Did you catch all the references? ;)


End file.
